


three times that i told you (you're the one i just don't need)

by dogf1ght



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Elementary School, M/M, patrick just wants to be a decent child, pete has a large fascination with wolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 15:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4568934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogf1ght/pseuds/dogf1ght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete is a shithead kindergartner and Patrick just wants to get back to his zoo group.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by my antics as a child, a new exhibit at the detroit zoo, and these kids I used to babysit. title from moneygrabber by fitz and the tantrums 
> 
> also the butterfly house part was inspired by andy bc 1) a hoe never forgets and 2) it's a fukcing butterfly get over urself

"Come on!" Pete calls behind him to Patrick, pulling the wary boy towards the wolf exhibit.

 

 

Patrick worries a response to his friend,"I..I don't know, Pete, I think we're supposed to be heading somewhere else..." 

 

 

Much to Pete's dismay, they weren't. Their teacher had told them several times to stay near her, and she was currently heading towards the lion enclosure with their tour guide...which was on the opposite side of the Carnivore Corner of the zoo. The thing is, Pete  _has_ to get to the wolves, this is the last time he'll be able to go anywhere near one until mid-June, and it's early August right now. Pete thinks for a moment, squinting his eyes to think of a plan to get Patrick to go with him to see his pride and joy.

 

 

"How about...." Patrick steps back as if to run at any moment, he just wants to go back to Mrs. Hart. "I take you to the butterfly house if you go with me!" Pete's eyes widen with excitement, since he knows he's got a metaphorical shoe at Patrick's throat. 

 

 

He looks longingly at his elementary group one last time before reluctantly following his best friend to the wolf den. He loves the butterfly house more than he loves grilled cheese, naps, and his mom combined, so he can't pass up an opportunity to see it. Plus, he knows Pete hates it because they "crawl" on him because he "smells like a flower." (Which Patrick knows are both total lies, but nobody has even tried telling Pete this since the great DC fiasco three months ago.)

 

 

The thing about Patrick following Pete somewhere is that he doesn't like not knowing where he is or where he's going, it makes him nervous. It makes his stomach do flip-flops all around his body and his fingers wring together like swept up cobwebs.

 

 

Pete however, loves being lost. He loves figuring out, on his own, where he is and where he needs to be to get what he wants. Once, while Mrs. Stump and Mrs. Wentz were making dinner together and sharing gossip over bites of uncooked food, a then four-year-old Patrick into the woods behind the Wentz residence and they were both lost for five hours. From them on, one of the pair's parents or a trust and very  _qualified_ babysitter has to be within five feet of them at all times.

 

 

(The peach cobbler also burned to a crisp while the mothers screamed their lungs out trying to find Pete and Patrick, but that is not the point.)

 

The worst thing, though, about Pete is that he is Very Very Determined but also Very Very Small, as his third therapist said: "You can light a mini-mashmallow on fire, but it's still on fucking fire. You gotta treat that shit with respect."

 

 

(Pete learned his first curse from that man. Mr. Babcock was a productive therapist, although not in the way his mother had hoped.)

 

 

This is why, when a fifth grader stands between Pete and his beloved wolves, he knocks her down with the force of a small bulldoser. She cries, as anyone would, as Pete steps on her stomach to get a better view. Patrick attempts to apologize to her, as any Decent Child would, but Pete stops him from helping her up and pulls him closer to the glass separating them from what Pete thinks is certain death and from what the zookeeper states is "annoying the animals". The wolves are lazing around, normal for any animal on a summer day in Chicago, but Pete is watching them like he's writing the script for a wolf nature documentary.

 

 

His nosed is pressed to the glass, leaving a mark that leaves an attendant huffing as she goes to clean the glass she just wiped down. Patrick apologizes to her before Pete can hit him, then grabs his olive-skinned best friend by the skirt collar before dragging him through the thick crowd of people waiting to see the lazy, lethargic dog ancestors. 

 

 

"Okay, okay," Patrick says, trying to achieve the tone his mom uses when she wants to leave somewhere but doesn't want Patrick to throw a fit, "Now it's butterfly house time."


	2. Chapter 2

Patrick is practically buzzing like a bee with excitement as he sees the monarch butterfly statue with the gigantic "BUTTERFLY HOUSE" sign. He's vibrating like he just ate three bags of candy, on Christmas, while he's being told he won the lottery. 

 

(Yes, he is that happy.)

 

Pete is holding back, though, always a few steps behind Patrick as he drags his sneakers in an attempt to keep his partner-in-unintentional-crime from bringing him in there with him. He musters up his final protest when they get to the entrance.

 

Pete pulls out every excuse in his book to keep his best friend from dragging him in there. "But Patrick! What if they kill us? What if they-"

 

Patrick sighs. "They're not going to kill us, Pete! They're small little-"

 

"Murders! They're small little murders we both know it," Pete desperately interrupts him. He does  _not_  like butterflies. Not. At. All.

 

Patrick takes a stance that just leaks apathy, tries his hardest to raise one eyebrow, fails, then tackles his best friend to the ground.

 

Pete immediately flips himself to be on top.

 

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO IN THERE!" He screams, tickling Patrick.

 

"Y-YES I CA-AN PE-PETE YOU DUM-MY GET OF-F OF M-ME!" Patrick yells back between choked laughs. 

 

"I WON'T GET OFF YOU UNTIL YO- oh heyyyyyyyyy miss. How are you on this fine day?" Pete...begins to yell, but he cuts himself off and attempts to turn on the Wentz charm to keep himself out of trouble. The face on the zoo patrol woman's face says it most definitely hasn't.

 

That's when Patrick starts to cry. She hauls them off to a shady area, and asks Pete what school group they're with. He tells her the name of his school then tries to comfort Patrick, who pushes him away.

 

"Yeah, Mr. 909...I got two kids screaming and fighting near the Butterfly Exhibit." She says into a walkie-talkie, then waits for a few moments. "Yeah, Hardon elementary....Okay, we're by the bathrooms. I'll meet you there."

 

Then, she hauls to two boys off to what Pete thinks is prison, and Patrick thinks is Hell.

 

///

 

"It wasn't as if anyone got hurt," Pete grumbles, dragging his feet across the tacky carpeting in the principal's office. He notices a small stain that could be blood or chocolate. Or alien goo.

 

 

"Patrick slammed his head onto the pavement several times while you...tackled and tickled him," Mr. Idol says. "He needed several ice packs and almost had to go to home for the day!"

 

 

Pete decides on alien goo.

 

 

Mr. Idol turns to Patrick, who is, in fact, holding as ice pack to his head. "Patrick, you can't just call people names, even if it doesn't hurt them physically, it hurts them mentally," the principal says, sighing and turning to his mother, saying something neither Pete nor Patrick pay attention to.

 

 

Pete hates being in the principals office, hates being stared down by his mother and Mr. Idol. He's already been here more times than he can count...literally. (He's not that good with double digits yet.)

 

 

Patrick perks up when his mom stops rubbing his back and mentions the words "in-home punishments" and "what do you recommend we do from here" and "both children are banned from school field trips until the end of the year." 

 

Mr. Idol rubs his temples. "We can only recommend so much, we have no idea of your house situation, and therefore cannot judge at first glance," this part sounds like he's a robot, to Pete. As if he's said this a million times today to a million different parents. "I suggest taking away something, such as internet or grounding your child. Therapy doesn't seem to be needed, since this is normal, for the two..." He motions to the best friends with his left hand and adjust some papers with his right. 

 

 

It's like he's reading off of a script, Patrick says to himself.

 

 

It's like he's writing down everything he knows about us so he can throw us in prison, Pete thinks, like the lady at the zoo.

 

 

The principal finishes, "But we do recommend keeping them separate for now, in case they still hold harsh feelings against each other."

 

 

Pete and Patrick's mother both sigh at the same time, and give each other knowing looks as they gather their kin. The women both know their kids haven't had harsh feelings for each other since they met.

 

 

"See you tomorrow, Rhonda," Pete's mom says as she guides her son out the doors of the office. 

 

 

Patrick's mom lifts him up as she answers her friend, "And you too, Cindy."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okok the ice pack part may sound weird but upper middle class white people in positions of minor power are crazy about kids and their injuries especially when it happens due to another kid (or the original kid) being a fucking idiot

**Author's Note:**

> there will be another chapter later bc i wanna get this published before midnight and I really want to pee


End file.
